Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
