dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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