I wish my penis had an off switch
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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