so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
