After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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