i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
