i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
