Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
