the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
