I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Randomize
