pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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