we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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