I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
