Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
