All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize