dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
