video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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