So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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