if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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