They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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