you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
