Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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