3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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