Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
