We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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