i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize