I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
