My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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