You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
