I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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