The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I party with great urgency now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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