im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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