I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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