you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
