Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
