Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
