Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
