saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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