oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i think i just lost a toe
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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