I want to have your abortion
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
