just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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