remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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