In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize