just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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