My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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