what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
