Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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