if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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