Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
