I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize