He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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