I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
