1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
