Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
