During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She told me I should be a condom model.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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