I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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