I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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