please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
