I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
